I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Randomize
