WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize