Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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