She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Randomize