every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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