At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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