My sheets look like a crime scene.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
