white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
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