don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I intend to get homeless drunk
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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