so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
