He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
