did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
