I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
