He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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