can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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