I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
