I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
