I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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