I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
