oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
