Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
