hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
