you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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