you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
