Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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