I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
