update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
