turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
