I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Green mimosas i think yes
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
