You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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