I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
