Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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