whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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