I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
