I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I got chris browned last night
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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