somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
