I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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