just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
