I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
