I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Randomize
