Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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