You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
