bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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