Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
