I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
