Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
