Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
