Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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