I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
