He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
You need Xanax blowdarts
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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