I'm so fucking centered right now
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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