if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
