There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
