If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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