We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
