Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
so much tequila, so little girl.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
