I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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