can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
