She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize