just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Randomize
