So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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