I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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