Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
