you guys were way drunker than both of me
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Randomize
